I Wore A Tuxedo To A Dive Bar In The Poconos — Metric’s Fall Retreat 2016

This past August, after the great success of The Hamptons and Mexico, I recommended that we plan the next entry in the Metric Collective retreat schedule — a rustic weekend in the mountains of Pennsylvania.

Three months later, this past weekend, twenty-five Metricians packed up our cars and headed West.

I’ll get back to circumstances surrounding sartorial choices but allow me to regale you of the tales of The Poconos. Rather than go with a particularly heavily programmed schedule this time around, we opted for a more relaxed vibe. However, there are a few things that we did that bear mentioning:

Team Meals— In continuing a tradition we started last year in The Hamptons, we called upon some of our own to lead the task of preparing dinner for 25. Cooking for ourselves and enjoying dinner in the comfort of our own cabins is an amazing conduit for bonding. So whether it was Anna’s ziti, Danny’s tacos, or Kevin’s (Mom’s) lasagna, we were well fed.

Group Hikes — Given our proximity to some of the best trails on the East Coast, we knew that we had to spend some time in the woods. So on Thursday, we broke into groups of eight and got the old blood pumping. If you live in NYC, you can imagine the relief associated with spending a day with your friends in nature. If you don’t live in NYC, you can easily imagine how therapeutic it is. Plus, by breaking into groups that assured we weren’t with our best friends, it was a great chance to get to know some of our co-workers way better.

Murder of a Millionaire — As a capstone to the weekend, we decided to slip into character and play our own version of real life Clue. On the occasion of the “death” of Rick A. Rochester, we assembled 25 of his closest friends, family, and confidants to figure out, once and for all, who did it. And while I am sworn to secrecy as to whether it was the ex-wife, the butler, the nephew, or resident pool boy Fabio Fabulous, getting to see everyone experience an evening in Mystery Manor was quite the scene. (Hence, the tuxedo.)

Party at Shenanigans — I’d be truly doing the retreat an injustice without mentioning our forays to local watering hole Shenanigans. (Hence, the dive bar.) While itself not the most memorable of locales, it is clearly a place that memories are made. Perhaps you’re a dance battle guy? Or a Pittsburgh-style karaoke kinda girl? Maybe you enjoy a little cross-dressing? Or maybe you just want hang with the locals in Lake Harmony? Whatever your goal, you’ll want to check out “Where Everybody Quickly Forgets Your Name.”

I’d say the easiest measure of a retreat’s success is what everyone was speaking about in the office on Monday morning. And it seems that the topic of choice was how everyone spent the 24 hours after the retreat sleeping and recovering.

And with apologies to Hunter S. Thompson for the slight editing:

Company retreats should not be a journey to the Poconos with the intention of returning safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”